Tuesday, October 7, 2014

It is one of those days that I feel like I have lost myself again. This reoccurring feeling is nothing more than self inflicted. The darkness in my mind is limited by love and the little moments with my daughter that I isolate as the only memories I let myself remember. The depth of my situation has made my words and actions shallow and easy. The reason I am alive is my daughter. Everyday I am haunted by thoughts of death. I am not scared of death, in fact I find it quiet beautiful. I have been emotional murdered on a scale that most could not relate to. It does not define who I am and it never will. My problems are something that I can handle and move on from. I find simple minds of what issues are minuscule to the big picture. I have officially trained myself not to be one of those people. I don't need to be understood. I don't need to be heard. When I am around most I am so far from myself that my guise becomes not only entertaining but addictive. I have come to the conclusion that there are limited people in this world that are curious enough to attach themselves to something they don't understand. 

It will all make sense to me one day but for now I'm learning how to live again. 

I am pushing buttons
All the buttons I can push
To see how far I can go 
To test limits of what I don't believe it 
Every song is wrong 
Every word means less 
I used to feel more 
But now I'm a product of myself
Completely numb to feelings
I don't want to get let down 
But it's inevitable. 

Saturday, August 16, 2014

The beach

You are a mountain 
I am a beach
Two different climates 
That don't touch 
Or reach 
Our souls pushing away like 
The awkward sighs the hatred kisses the venom that drips from our mouths like blood thirsty vampires sucking the life out of each other 
But yet I still have hope 
It might be delusion 
Is it insane
To inflict your own pain 
Expecting a different outcome. 

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Boxed up

I've got to stay heavily medicated 
Just to stand you 
I do everything wrong 
Mind abuse
Just to hear an apology 
I'm not the one for you 
My skin is thinning 
Words just keep on clinging 
I'm not allowed 
I can't experience 
This is far from a team 
Colorless shame 
I feel in the way 
I'm aware of this hell. 

Waiting for a touch that will never happen.
A sprout of love ripped out of the seed. 

I can't go back to that place. 
I can't lose myself because of the way you make me feel. 

This weight is heavy. 
I don't know what's best. 
But I know this isn't working.  

I don't know if you mean it. 

I guess I'm too pathetic to love. 

I feel pathetic and unloved. 

My heart is crippled in so many ways. 

This is me giving up. 

No expectations. 


Monday, August 4, 2014

We all think we're special. 

What if we're all wrong. 

Good Luck

Wish me good luck 
When this world isn't full of love 
But this lust keeps me 
From losing all sanity
Fill my lungs 
Let me breathe 
Stained your mind 
So you'll never forget me 
But my hungry eyes 
Stay hungry for everyone else to see 

The bird

Circumstantial feelings
Words confusing 
I am a bird 
Perched on your ledge 
Shoot me down 
With your BB gun
Shoot me down 
When I make a sound 
My branch tells me I'm different 
My branch breaks with his will
My hope held captive 
My question stays still 
It's all about me 
Broken branches 
Rotted roots 
Heavy leaves 
Feels like I'm in your arms